Apologies\u2026<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
There were two doctors in a bar, spending the evening moaning about the current state of the NHS, government interference, hospital managers, crap IT, abusive patients, litigious patients, rotas, paperwork, overwork, lack of time with patients who need it – you get the picture.<\/p>\n
The first says, \u201cYou know what? It has got to the state where I want to jack it all in and get into alternative medicine. Frankly, I quite fancy being a chiropractor.\u201d <\/p>\n
\u201cA chiroquacktor?\u201d Laughs the second doctor. \u201cYou have to be kidding?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, I\u2019m serious.\u201d, says the first. \u201cThink about it. I can keep my \u201cDr\u201d title and a have brass plaque on the front door of my own private practice. I can see a string of patients with mainly back problems and a few crying babies. Nothing we can really do about either of them, but I can crack their bones, charge them, they will get better anyway, no matter what I do, and they will be eternally grateful to me. I can set my own practice hours. Go home at regular times. Play some golf. It will be fantastic.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s stopping you then?\u201d Says, the now understanding second doctor.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, unlike the title \u2018Dr\u2019, not just anyone can style themselves a chiropractor. You have to have been on a long training course and get a new BSc and then be registered with the GCC. I could just do a part time McTimoney course, but even then it could take years and I would have to listen to all that hogwash about subluxations. I just want to get through all that and start cracking bones.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMmmm\u201d, says Doctor number two. \u201cMaybe I can help you there\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, you know I am a brain surgeon. I have been trialling a new procedure. It\u2019s experimental, but I am having a few successes.\u201d says the brain surgeon.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe operation will basically instantly transform you from a doctor into a chiropractor.\u201d <\/p>\n
\u201cIs that possible?\u201d asks the first.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, in layman\u2019s terms, what we do is remove half your brain\u201d.<\/p>\n
Looking rather alarmed, the first says, \u201cGood grief! That sounds serious. I\u2019m not sure I could go through with that!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, its not so bad.\u201d, reassures the brain surgeon. \u201cWe are very particular about which parts of brain we remove. We shall pick out all those bits that got stuffed full of anatomy and physiology at medical school. Obviously we shall leave some remnants of basic medical knowledge there and let you believe that you have a fully equivalent medical training in such areas. Out will go all that stuff on pharmacology, biochemistry, anaesthesiology, surgery and psychiatry.\u00a0 Immunology will have to go. You can quickly make stuff up to replace your real knowledge, and before you know it, you will be condemning MMR and the vaccination schedule. No need for medical ethics probably too. Your evidence empathy areas will go, along with any basic understanding of science that may interfere with a belief in \u2018innate intelligence\u2019 or \u2018subluxations\u2019. \u201c<\/p>\n
\u201cWe shall obviously leave in the business skills area. That will be very important. Get a car crash victim in and after a few sessions you will be able to sign up his whole family, including children, grandparents and pets into a \u2018family wellness\u2019 programme for the next five years.<\/p>\n
\u201cWow! Fantastic!\u201d, says the first.<\/p>\n
\u201cI can fit you in this afternoon, if that’s OK?\u201d says the second.<\/p>\n
And so, the operation was performed. But due to some iatrogenic catastrophe, negligence, arrogance, complacency, mix up, and, possibly some underhand Big Pharma foul play, the operation does not go too well. <\/p>\n
As the first doctor starts coming round from the anaesthetic, the surgeon is waiting to break the bad news. \u201cI\u2019m afraid, the operation did not go as planned\u201d, he says.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d says a rather alarmed and definitely not a chiropractor patient.<\/p>\n
\u201cDue to a mix up with some paperwork, we accidentally removed your whole brain. We tried our best, but were unable to restore those areas you will need to become a chiropractor. I am afraid you have no brain\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cNever mind.\u201d, says the\u00a0 surprisingly chirpy and optimistic patient. \u201cI think I will just become a homeopath\u201d.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"