Chiropractic: A Joke
Apologies…
There were two doctors in a bar, spending the evening moaning about the current state of the NHS, government interference, hospital managers, crap IT, abusive patients, litigious patients, rotas, paperwork, overwork, lack of time with patients who need it – you get the picture.
The first says, “You know what? It has got to the state where I want to jack it all in and get into alternative medicine. Frankly, I quite fancy being a chiropractor.”
“A chiroquacktor?” Laughs the second doctor. “You have to be kidding?”
“No, I’m serious.”, says the first. “Think about it. I can keep my “Dr” title and a have brass plaque on the front door of my own private practice. I can see a string of patients with mainly back problems and a few crying babies. Nothing we can really do about either of them, but I can crack their bones, charge them, they will get better anyway, no matter what I do, and they will be eternally grateful to me. I can set my own practice hours. Go home at regular times. Play some golf. It will be fantastic.”
“What’s stopping you then?” Says, the now understanding second doctor.
“Well, unlike the title ‘Dr’, not just anyone can style themselves a chiropractor. You have to have been on a long training course and get a new BSc and then be registered with the GCC. I could just do a part time McTimoney course, but even then it could take years and I would have to listen to all that hogwash about subluxations. I just want to get through all that and start cracking bones.”
“Mmmm”, says Doctor number two. “Maybe I can help you there”.
“How?”
“Well, you know I am a brain surgeon. I have been trialling a new procedure. It’s experimental, but I am having a few successes.” says the brain surgeon.
“The operation will basically instantly transform you from a doctor into a chiropractor.”
“Is that possible?” asks the first.
“Yes, in layman’s terms, what we do is remove half your brain”.
Looking rather alarmed, the first says, “Good grief! That sounds serious. I’m not sure I could go through with that!”
“Well, its not so bad.”, reassures the brain surgeon. “We are very particular about which parts of brain we remove. We shall pick out all those bits that got stuffed full of anatomy and physiology at medical school. Obviously we shall leave some remnants of basic medical knowledge there and let you believe that you have a fully equivalent medical training in such areas. Out will go all that stuff on pharmacology, biochemistry, anaesthesiology, surgery and psychiatry. Immunology will have to go. You can quickly make stuff up to replace your real knowledge, and before you know it, you will be condemning MMR and the vaccination schedule. No need for medical ethics probably too. Your evidence empathy areas will go, along with any basic understanding of science that may interfere with a belief in ‘innate intelligence’ or ‘subluxations’. “
“We shall obviously leave in the business skills area. That will be very important. Get a car crash victim in and after a few sessions you will be able to sign up his whole family, including children, grandparents and pets into a ‘family wellness’ programme for the next five years.
“Wow! Fantastic!”, says the first.
“I can fit you in this afternoon, if that’s OK?” says the second.
And so, the operation was performed. But due to some iatrogenic catastrophe, negligence, arrogance, complacency, mix up, and, possibly some underhand Big Pharma foul play, the operation does not go too well.
As the first doctor starts coming round from the anaesthetic, the surgeon is waiting to break the bad news. “I’m afraid, the operation did not go as planned”, he says.
“What do you mean?” says a rather alarmed and definitely not a chiropractor patient.
“Due to a mix up with some paperwork, we accidentally removed your whole brain. We tried our best, but were unable to restore those areas you will need to become a chiropractor. I am afraid you have no brain”.
“Never mind.”, says the surprisingly chirpy and optimistic patient. “I think I will just become a homeopath”.
Related posts:
- How the British Chiropractic Association Targets Children The British Chiropractic Association do not appear to be too hot on evidence. Given that they are suing Simon Singh, a science writer, for saying that they promoted treatments for...
- Beware the Spinal Trap The following is a reprint of an article by Simon Singh that appeared in the Guardian last year. It is highly critical of significant aspects of chiropractic. As a result...
- McTimoney Chiropractors told to take down their web sites This letter has been issued from the McTimoney Association to all its members… Date: 8 June 2009 09:12:18 BDT Subject: FURTHER URGENT ACTION REQUIRED! Dear Member If you are reading...
- They are Bone Doctors, Aren’t They? Chiropractors have an air of respectability about them. They style themselves, ‘Doctor’. They wear white coats and have brass plaques outside their offices with lots of letters after their name....
- The Role of UK Universities in Chiropractic The decision by the British Chiropractic Association to sue Simon Singh will undoubtedly bring increased scrutiny of chiropractic. I would like to start with a first look at the education...
“I think I will just become a homeopath”.
That’s even easier at the Ratbags Holistic Health Academy:
http://www.ratbags.com/rsoles/comment/homeopathy.htm
ROFLMAO!
Brilliant – and sooooo true.
At least they didn’t remove his heart: there’s no telling what profession he would fall into
LOL! A bit of self deprecation, Jack…nice one!
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!
Excellent!!!
Great!!!
“Chiroquacktor”! You must immediatelly receive a patent for new term
From now on I’ll call them so! 
Svetlana:
It’s already registered: Chiro-Quacktic school killed
Yes. Anyone who thinks Andy is really joking about the chiropractors should read this old Respectful Insolence thread (warning: you’ll need to set aside some time; chiropractors are nothing if not long-winded).
nothing in favour of homeeopathy here but still:
lame joke,…
Christian
who died and made you Basil Brush, boom boom!
To call this a joke is *bogus.
*deliberate deception not implied
“nothing in favour of homeeopathy here”
…except that he needs a little more surgery.
BillyJoe
It is said that scientists can never earn as much as sales people. This S.A.D.(Scientists Are Doomed) theorem is proved as follows:
Power = Work / Time
A Better Joke?
Since Knowledge is Power and Time is Money we can substitute
Knowledge = Work/Money
This can be reworked with some basic maths as:
Money = Work / Knowledge.
Therefore, the less you know, the more you make.
This is why scientists are doomed.
Stewart – you are probably correct.
When I did something vaguely academic and scientific I was poverty stricken.
When I lost the academic bit I then earned a reasonable wad.
When I dropped the scientific bit as well and became a “sales person” I earned a shedload of cash.
QED
Wrongly.
Knowledge must be relevant. Then the quantity of work increases in geometrical progression compared to the quantity of knowledge… (The known "law of relevantness of scientific knowledge")
Plus the law of intensification of labour…
So – clever scientist=rich man. And if this scientist is not rich, then he/she is either idiot or russian dissident…
The latter is corrigible (by emigration). The former is hopeless.
Is it clear?
PS. And don't hurt Basil Brush! He is a good fluffy chap
(I like much more old design of the personage 
)
Google couldn't find a homeopathic remedy for anencephaly, but it did find a treatment for softening of the brain (homeopaths might find it useful): Phosphorus [Phos].
check http://www.hpathy.com/diseases/brain-symptoms-treatment-cure.asp
On the same page it says that Zincum metallicum is a useful remedy when you get "a swashing sensation in the brain". I might try it myself, as I get serious swashing sensations in my brain whenever I read about homeopathy.
Great joke, but you forgot the bit about removing the sanctimonious arrogance neurons!
Pathetic, a very old joke turned against latest 'trendy' target (just because they had the temerity to stand up for their own profession – just as the BMA and RCS would have done). Also,shows complete ignorance of the training that chiropractors have to go through – still never let the facts get in the way of a joke!
From my point of view, the only old joke around here appears to be chiropractic. And it doesn't get much funnier than today's McTimoney antics.
Chiropractic school curriculum:
http://positivemotionchiropractic.com/downloads/How-Well-Educated-Is-Your-Chiropractor.pdf
I respect that they have to dumb down certain concepts so patients can understand so I don't see how we can judge their education or intelligence on that. Besides, chiropractic has worked for thousands of people, without side effects. If it didn't, how would it still be around? I believe that it would have died out if it wasn't doing something for people.
LOL…..yeah, the joke was funny…..and a little soft on details and truth…but anyways, you Brits are having a harder time with chiropractic than us Yanks. It's too bad, really. I'm sorry that the bs and misinformation made its way into your society before the truth about chiropractic came out.
I'm not talking about "subluxations" being the root of all evil…..I'm a chiropractor and I don't believe that stuff. But please don't kill it before you actually relaize how much good it can do! Don't let biased information teach you wrong…..we've fought for over a hundred years in this country to get it legitimized, only now are we becoming established properly in our own right.
I don't know much about educational requirements in the UK but US requirements for a DC degree are extensive. At least 3 years undegraduate work (most have a four year degree) followed by at least five years (10 semesters minimum) in chiroractic school (all accredited courses) with the first two years of basic medical sciences running from 18 to 22 course hours per semester. The last two years add clinical rotations in school clinics, local hospitals and now in the VA hospital system as well. Tuition costs for chiro school alone now run over $100K.
"Tuition costs for chiro school alone now run over $100K."
The first victims of chiropractic would appear to be themselves.
oh dear……