Go on, you deserve it. Slap yourself with a Healing Broom

Following on from my last post about whether the people that run quack web sites are deeply deluded or just plain old frauds, I had to share this gem with you. For all aficionados of quackery, this is truly a collectors item to be savoured. Thanks to whoever entered the healingbroom.com web site into the quackometer. It is a treat and scores a perfect 10 canards.

The healing broom looks like a metallic cat o’ nine tails with which to whip yourself. Apparently, you should not use it if you bleed easily. However, the claim is that this 21st century self-flagellation device will stimulate qi, your meridians and cause your cells to vibrate. It breaks up toxic accumulations and will stimulate your bone marrow, depending on how hard you flail yourself, no doubt. If you survive this self-imposed scourging, the healing whip also comes with a separate sharp metal stick thing that you poke yourself with. The stick is magnetic, thankfully, and so the magno-acupressure produced will dull the pain from your whipping, I guess.

What can healing broom treatment do for you? Well, it can ‘return your cells to their normal position’. So, if you notice huge groups of cells in places they should not be, say, several feet to the left, then whip them back into position with the broom. Oh, and slapping is good exercise too.

Naturally, no evidence is given for any of these claims – bar the usual testimonials. The site looks like they have swallowed the woo dictionary. It appears to cover the whole gamut of quack words – hence the high Canard score.

Fortunately, safety is obviously at the top of the company’s concerns. Apparently, you must not use the flail on your body between 11am and 1pm, or on a full stomach, although a reason is not given for this advice. More sensibly, you should not share your implements with someone else. I guess there is large chance of transmission of bodily fluids which could be a source of blood-borne disease. Light coloured clothing should be avoided. I guess blood stains easily.

There is a small bit of me that delights in the fact that people who fall for this scam will administer their own punishment, albeit a sort of punishment that was last seen during the height of British naval power and the Napoleonic wars. As for the sellers? Flogging is too good for them.

Hey, healingbroom.com! Do you believe any of this horse shit?

11 comments for “Go on, you deserve it. Slap yourself with a Healing Broom

  1. EoR
    February 28, 2007 at 7:26 am

    Well, I’d be willing to help out a True Believer or two by giving them a few whacks…

  2. Lucy Jr.
    March 1, 2007 at 10:21 am

    This spot of woo really is top rate.
    Can’t help admiring these quackery generators. They are always pushing the envelope (or in this case, the broom).

  3. JC
    March 2, 2007 at 12:48 am

    As I’m feeling uncharacteristically generous today I’ll note that whipping yourself will increase the blood flow to the whipped area which might help with… I don’t know, something.

    Admittedly it would be more comfortable to just give the same area a quick rub, but that could play havoc with your quantum rah-rah lay lines.

  4. Maggie
    March 11, 2007 at 9:23 pm

    When I accessed this post today I found the google ad was for Quantum North Biofeedback…

    Jackpot! 10 canards! :-)

    I’ve been having a lot of fun with your Quackometer, thank you so much for providing it.

  5. Cal
    March 14, 2007 at 9:56 am

    Hilarious!! But very worrying for those who take this kind of stuff seriously…

  6. The Angry Medic
    March 23, 2007 at 1:28 pm

    Someone should tell Dan Brown about this. He could use it for his next novel. Imagine, Opus Dei upgrading from whips to healing brooms. That’ll go down better with the general public, oh yes.

  7. Anonymous
    March 10, 2009 at 2:56 pm

    It’s actually a Qigong exercise with about, I don’t know 7000 years of history per the Chinese Medica.
    But, enjoy being cleverly ignorant!

  8. Le Canard Noir
    March 11, 2009 at 2:45 pm

    You really have been taken in by this claptrap haven’t you? QiGong 7000 years old? Ha Ha Ha. More like 50 years old.

    Ignorance can be easily corrected. Being a gullible buffoon less so.

  9. takata suzuki
    April 15, 2011 at 4:46 pm

    shaolin monks do these exercises for many thousand years. they make you feel, look and be strong. feels good and good for you. silly.

  10. hong kong fuey
    September 24, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    As surprising as it may seem, healing brooms or wire hitters as they can be known are used in a taoist practice and basically detox the body. Again check out Mantak Chia and see if hes a quack. He just happens to be a well respected taoist and sells this stuff on his website too. He was taught by monks and this sort of thing has a historic practice. Much Taoist practices were considered quackery until science proved the existence of auras and meridians. Its a shame how our western science which mocked such practices involving meridians took thousand of years to catch up with the chinese i think the real quacks have to be the ignorant ones in this case. quack quack…

  11. lecanardnoir
    September 24, 2011 at 2:21 pm

    Thanks. I did check out Mantak Chia and indeed it does look as if he is a quack. And, unless I missed the news story, science has not shown that auras and meridians are real.

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